just yesterday i was so sure of it. so sure of my answer(if ever the question was to be asked). i was really excited and ready. and yet, the movement of events somehow will always leave you in a dilemma. similarly, that kati kati feeling came back to haunt me. i hate it, i really do. i hate the way it leaves me with so many unanswered questions, i hate the way it screws up my mood and i hate the fact that it'll always be there, that shitty nagging feeling. i hate insecurities.

Roxanne-the female manifestation of man's eternal downfall to the all encompassing yet unknowingly inherent force of human nature - JEALOUSY

First there is desire
Then... passion!
Then... suspicion!
Jealosy! Anger! Betrayel!
Where love is for the highest bidder,
There can be no trust.
Without trust,
There is no love!
Jealosy.
Yes, jealosy...
Will drive you...
Will drive you...
Will drive you...
Mad!

Roxanne, you don't have to put on that red light
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it is right.

Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight.
Roxanne, you don't have to sell your body to the night.

Christian:
His eyes upon your face
His hand upon your hand
His lips caress your skin

Its more than I can stand

finally got to satisfy my char kuay tiao cravings. seriously, i'm not a big fan of char kuay tiao but the one in the airport staff canteen totally changes my mind. IT'S SERIOUSLY THAT GOOD.

was gonna blog about my day today then i decided against.

i seriously think people should be more pro-active with their lives. if something's wrong, go check it out. dont just wait around and not care then give some lame ass excuse that makes you sound so self-righteous. honestly, learn to love yourself first before trying to care about others, even your family. for crying out loud, grow some hair on those peaches. yes, i'm peeved, cos i realised all that worrying was for nothing. bendelshnitz

dare i back out of this now? back out of what i thought i always wanted? the words my brother said keeps on going round and round in my head and i honestly truly dont wanna hurt it but would it be best for all of us?and you're not exactly being assuring.... "my best friends wedding" and "made of honour" both have the 2 different outcomes...how will it play out then?

if it was all pre-meditated, i would feel really hurt. even if there was a plausible reason behind it. like how i felt when i realised the core reason behind all that confusion. it was hurt but not hurt. more of something sensibility could not override and persuade.

dare i ignore this constant nibbling feeling? it's growing.

YAY today was FUN. tho it ended with me getting super worried...actually i still am.

went to school to help jiang decide and reassure him on how he looked. then headed for the mentoring thing which was quite interesting and eye-opening too. rushed home in the rain to get ready cos it was like 5 already..

met jiang at kembagan(where he was waiting for quite a while le..heee)then we headed to cityhall. realised that pinle's cheese pancake isnt as good as the mr bean one. and we both agreed that old chang kee is KING!!!! haha. walked to VCH and we were quite awed by the supreme court's HUGE TOWERING pillars. met wenjie on the way there(2nd time today already) later met up with jiang's classmates. and eadeline is damn funny la! sat with her and joseph... random right? anyway she's like the only girl i know who'd walk around vch barefoot covered in plasters. haha.

spotted u from among all the instruments. many words that were msn personal message worthy formed in my mind and i ended up with this. you play the keys and beat of my soul...ahhhhh and i tell u... nelson tan was serious when he said sway was encore piece cos it ROCKED!!! the dancing and all as well. and i personally like band concerts. ther's something very grand bout the music that overwhelms u and grips your heart until u feel like one more breath n you'd might just burst. OKAY.

after it ended, we walked around esplanade and i still LURRVE the roof terrace esp when i can see the flyer lit up. :D then went to marina subway cos unfortunately it was super late like 9-10 plus. after that walked around the inside and outside of suntec cos we couldnt find the busstop esp since evrything was closed and unfamiliar. haha. yea surprisingly bus14 came quite fast n he was helping me with "FUTURE PROBLEM SOLVING" with a cup n straw analogy. heh which got him giddy and scared the crap out of me la!!! his heart started to murmur and it was acting up again since the band concert. then as we were walking back, it looked like it was getting worse. rah. to tell u how late i was, i reached home at like 12 plus la!! but luckily my parents didnt say anything.

yea... so now i'm at home and my heater's screwed... have been bathing in freezing cold water for the past 2 days. something in my brain tells me i should get it fixed.but my body is saying "ahhh, later la" hheeee. so on the whole today was quite fun. :) still cant stop worrying tho.