if you knew the exact time and day that the world would come to an end, who'd you want to be with knowing that it's your last chance to see them?
eliminate all the political correct answers/person(s) you think you should think of because nothing counts than the 1st person that came into your mind when you read those first few lines. :)
no matter what i tell myself, i think i'm slowly coming under your spell.
doubt you'll remember my green tea.
scribbled down in typed letters7:04 PM
today was another whirlwind of emotions and events. apart from what happened at Tmart(which i experienced polar opposites of the emotions spectrum), everything was rather okay after that. esp after i sucked up my pride, haha - no la! - actually after i weighed down several issues at hand. ANYWAY, it was damn funny la! awkward. actually i think it was awkward for me because i've got intimacy issues. honestly there's something wrong with me. it was quite a simple action, just a hand over the shoulder then i wriggled away. haha. ya la, i've got intimacy issues la. chey. jean was right?ahahahaa.
went to sot, fad came after the match. we were both super hungry la then when she asked us what was a very impt lit word that started with HU____, we immediately whispered HUNGER. haha. had money problems and we didnt know what to eat then i realised i had a spare $50. seriously, super heng. haha. then we over ordered. -.- talked alot and seriously felt like an episode from "the hills" la. haha. went home alone and my inexperienced boyfriend for a day was nice enough to pei wo(on the phone) all the way back to kembagan. haha.
prefer walking? of course.
I REALLY WOULD LIKE GREEN TEA ON MONDAY (IF U REMEMBER, WHICH I REALLY HOPE U DO)
scribbled down in typed letters2:15 AM
today was so-so. neck cramped up while i was sleeping. kindda know most of the 22nd guys' shoulders' softness. haha. wenjie's and daniel's ones are nice. not too pointy, just nice. alwyn's one the worst. ANYWAY.
walked home in the drizzle today from maths and kept listening to happy songs;
baby love, follow through, angel, wont go home, tisbury lane. feel quite happy, almost like injecting happiness into my bloodstream. everytime i wanna click on your name, i remind myself that you are enjoying her company and i move the curser away. that lil poem i wrote in my brown book REALLY HELPED. :)
scribbled down in typed letters11:24 PM
i waited for the phonecall that never came.
too many memories flashed through my mind during the course of today and some i dont really wanna recount. but behind the facade of being excited and amused lay a dam of "if onlys" and "could've beens".
why do i get the feeling things wont turn out the way i hope they do?
scribbled down in typed letters12:03 AM
do you really care about what happened? 'cause u dont really seem like you do. ANYWAY. yea. today was a lil bit better than yday but i still had to walk away. honestly, she's ALWAYS picking for a fight, it's SOOOOO frustrating. urg. time to draw the line and move away from the group for a lil bit cos it really aint helping me esp when i get so emotionally drained just by trying to tahan her. or him for that matter.
I'VE GOTTA LEARN TO SHARE YOU
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe;
I told it not, my wrath did grow. And I water'd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with my smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,
And into my garden stole
When the night had veil'd the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree
scribbled down in typed letters9:57 PM
i guess i used up my happiness quota too fast today. ended with me crying for the most simple things so much so that it brinked on the edge of childishness. for the 3rd time, i'm wrote a msg that will never be sent. tearing at the 201 busstop and was glad(how ironic) that bus 12 was rather empty. as i walked to the busstop, i honestly wished someone would come after me and ask me how i was. not just through some device of modern convinience. but i had to walk that stretch or road alone and sulk in my misery. what glamness and maturity. anyway, got home and FINALLY got my green tea(AND it's $1.10 at cold storage for each which tells me that i dont have to rely on others anymore because i can just find an alternative for myself, on my own). bought 2, was contemplating the 1.5l one then reasoned otherwise. went home. ate a salad. puked most of it out. what's the point of pretending to be sticking around then just disappear? honestly, next time when i want to get something, i'll just help myself and not consult you. u dont care what.
u.dont.even.hear.me.
i just wished i was more noticable to you. and not have to do SUCH a thing.
anyway, msged randolf and emo-ed with him. then felt selfish and didnt wanna plague him further with my emo-ness. though we truely are similar. his life is a bed of roses without petals but thorns and mine is a bed of nails. just awesome.
scribbled down in typed letters12:40 AM
songfest ended, yes the last event of the 22nd tpjc council. it sucked that we ended so late and couldnt take a final picture. :( oh well, there's always the investiture rehearsals that'll drag to donnoe what time.
had a super fun time being in the logistics team, the backstage crew, a student judge AND the decor team all in one event. awesome-ness. fad and eeting came over for the econs tuition today and i feel smart for once. still had to go for the evening econs thing and i finished my maths assignment n read some gp article. was msging astrid all the way also...I'M GRATEFUL TO HER LA! and it's super amusing when our convos turn into scripts of the hills. yea...
justin bobby, when are you gonna ask audrina out?
scribbled down in typed letters10:25 PM
i dont care that much then you complain, then when i care a bit more, you back off... i dont know what you're getting at. seriously. right now, i'm just hope you know that i choose to be here, in this circle where you part of it. and it's scary that there might be someone else who's coming into this circle of mine. i'm not ready for you to be out of it because i dont want you to. i'll be standing here, in this stone scratched circle, waiting for you to not only want to be part of it but the entirety. arhhh dont make sense.
never knew you felt it too. but i'm really glad you do.
scribbled down in typed letters1:05 AM
i think something i've been dreading has already started to happen. those times at the airport will only be a memory now and not something to look forward to in the future. what she says is true, it's breaking apart. it might not be for the few of you but it is for me. i might've acted like it didnt matter, like i was so sure it wasnt going to happen. but i'm now the one that's left on the bus, going home or in the car, staring from the side mirror of what i cannot be part of. i guess you felt it too... seeing how reluctant you were when i was asking you bout it and since you dont wanna do anything about it, i doubt if it can ever be the same again.
i miss the past and fear the future and struggle through the present.
scribbled down in typed letters11:33 PM
ouch... those last few words were damn hurtingla... like you didnt even want to talk to me. i shan't care anymore la. you can go and chase that dream girl of yours who'll forever gross you out and piss you off..... just dont expect me to do the same. ppl might call me superficial and shallow but all i'm being is practical. i'm trying to love myself. i shouldnt give you anymore consolations for it will hurt me in the end. if you call me unreasonable, it's just based on the established roles you've set up. constantly giving me that title.... I GET IT ALREADY.
scribbled down in typed letters11:08 PM
