bila bahagia mulai menyentuhi was certain but now i'm not. i'm afraid, really i am. that things might just return to the past and the laughter doesnt belong to ours but yours. that's why i'm caught up in this internal paradox where i fight for what i think would make u happy and then regret it because it doesnt make me happy. i become uncertain and scared. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
then again it might just be divine intervention. of what purpose i have no idea. they supposedly choose who we're suppoesd to be with huh. i can somehow imagine how life was in the past without you...and i know i can live... but i just dont want to.
what i perceived was right. for the few times i wish i wasnt.
terkisah ku di antara cinta yang rumit
scribbled down in typed letters12:29 AM
they say you learn new stuff about yourself everyday, well i learnt TWO things about myself today.
1) i'm the queen of jiao facial expressions
2) i'm the epitome of unglam-ness
OH WELL!!
went to meet up with oli to just meet up. helped her with the OM stuff and ate some REALLY authentic briyani rice... with our HANDS cos the person forgot to put the utencils into the bag. rah. and i learnt that coke helps to get rid of certain smells on your hands. cool huh!
met up with jiang later on cos he was nice enough to accompany me to watch the water thing at boat quay which i got scammed yday cos nia, ros n i were 1hr late. today, i was SCAMMED AGAIN! PISSED LA. followed the timing on the brochure (which said 8) but somehow IT WASNT AT 8. OR 9. OR 10. ya. but ended up eating some REEEEALLY COOL ICE CREAM. mangooo flavour.. mmmm mmmm. haha jiewei scared me on the train. suddenly some random guy(or so i thought) comes up to me and goes "miss, you're blocking the sign". WAH LAO. scarry shizzz. poor jiang was ko-ing in the train already... ooops. sorry but so much for the motivational talk. haha
dont wanna get scammed anymore.
scribbled down in typed letters12:07 AM
MAX BRENNER rawkss!!! esp when you're out with your GIRRRLFRIENDS!!! *blond moment*
finally our long deserved MaxBrenner's chocolate dream has materialised. went to esplanade with nia and ros joined us soon after. we had a LONNNG time deciding what to order then finally decided on a FONDUE we all would share and indv chocolate drinks for ourselves. HEAVEN. just ask nia or ros how happy i was just being there. no, i wasnt happy, i was incandescent with euphoria. yes. after that we headed down to boat quay to watch the opening ceremony of the Singapore Arts Festival....unfortunately, it started one hour early. so we explored central andwent home after that. AWESOME NIGHT!!!!!
BEFORE AND AFTER
nia and ros obviosly very happy with the hot chocolates as well
and the girl who rediscovered the wonderful "C" word - CHOCOLATE.
scribbled down in typed letters11:14 PM
i'm super tired now cos i've been chionging maths since 4. k, it's not as impressive as it sounds but seriously, it has mangled my brain so much so that i find the word "mangle" positively BLOODY.
to preserve my brain juice (or what's left of it) and to save you readers from a very horrible and random post, i shall just stick to recounting my day... especially the devirginalization of wyntrice's polyclinic experience.
my reason for skipping e-programme was rather justified - i had to go for math tuition. anyway, met jiang and his classmate daniel chong(what a concerted effort one has to make when one knows ppl with the same names) at the side gate. so the tamp one was a BUILDING by itself, but the shitty que for REGISTRATION was horribly long so we decided to head down to the bedok one instead. it was either the effects of the clinic or the fact that we sat in front of a high-powered fan in an aircon room just after being grilled in the sun but we were feeling rather pukish and migrain-ish. not a bad start to the doc's trip. heh. to while away the time, we merepek as usual and i tried styling his hair. hmm *NOTE TO SELF*, if you cant even style your own hair, doubt you should try styling others... esp when they're not even of the same gender. SO. -side thought over-. with his heart murmuring away, he got out of the appointment pretty quickly while i had to wait there hearing the doc give me a lecture on healthy lifestyle. haha. but surprisingly the medicine cost super cheap!!! $1.55 for a bottle of something with white gunk inside AND pills. that's just cool...esp when you compare it to sicko. YEA. all in all, was quite surprised that it didnt take as long as i thought it was going to be. cooool...
FISH + SOUP = NICEEEEE.....(AND HEALTHY) unlike SOMEONE's duck rice.. XD
right i'm zoneing off...esp since i pia-ed poe last night and only slept at 1.30. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
scribbled down in typed letters11:05 PM
shall i or shall i not update today?
haha WONT la. but for the future WJT, 3 bus 12 passed while i was waiting ALONE. hahahaha didnt think you'd get away with it THAT EASILY NOW HUH! XD
scribbled down in typed letters12:23 AM
Take time to realize,
That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.
Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by.. Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you,
No its never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you.
If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
Then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.
It's not always the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.
If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
Then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
Just realized what I just realized
OoOoOOo
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
scribbled down in typed letters10:51 PM
ahhhh. what a weekend. all i can say is that what has plagued me these days has not come to a closure. it's a risk but i've got to test out certain "implementations" during the school weeks to see how i should come about them.
after all that atas bullshit, i'm gonna say that i hated this weekend. felt alone, isolated, disconnected, small, insignificant and not very special. i even sustained a bruised knee. apart from all these, it still ended BETTER. yes.
my brother noticed how sullen i was on friday and even more when i continued to mope around the house. he started to sing to an old german folk song and did a lil jingle. my other brother tried doing a dance move which was super funny la. laughed like siao after that and wasnt that emo... cried to jiang over the phone (surprising esp seeing how much tears i've already poured out of my eyes this whole 3 days) and though i had to rush off for dinner, it was a n(*tsk)aww-ish convo. earlier in the day when i was still full-swing emo, talked to randolph for abit on msn. bed of thorns eh.
SO WHATEVER. shitty weekend. URG. ^$&#**$@&$**
P.S. 80% of guys HATE IT when girls curse and swear. so NEW RESOLUTION FOR ME!!! STOP CURSING. STOP SWEARING.
scribbled down in typed letters10:33 PM
yesterday was the beginning of a really horrid weekend ahead. it was such a pivitol moment that i realised how drained i am of just being some random person in your phone list. it held no purpose cept for practicality and there was no special meaning to it. u didnt even reply me or talk to me. that cord i feel has been plucked and thrown away. we've lost that connection i thought we once had. i'm not special to u or to anyone for that matter.. esp and your obviously still so enamoured by her. dont know what i was thinking. just another name in your msn list that you dont talk to anymore.(which hurts even more when i recall all the times you'd initiate the convo.) everything's changing so much. even though i've cried so much, i still find the capacity to cry somemore. obstacles are supposed to make you feel stronger but somehow it doesnt work for me. i just get weaker and more isolated. tonight especially, though i was connected with so many ppl via modern conveniences, i've never felt so alone. so alone from u and u and u and u and u.
scribbled down in typed letters12:48 AM
i seriously donnoe whether to laugh or cry.
green tea + mints = BAD COMBINATION
scribbled down in typed letters11:34 PM
