i hate jc life because everyone is sooo busy... even if we're in the same jc, we still meet on OCCASION. it's even worse when we're in 2 different and SUPER FARAWAY jcs. and what's worse is that the people that i care/love the most and trust the most are so faraway and it's soo hard just to meet up. sometimes it can feel frickkin lonely in jc. they say it's like a second home.....bull. people are said to be more matured in jc but seriously that's bull too. not only do i have to deal with my f-ed up life but i've got to mask it all and provide a shoulder to lean on for my frens. and already within their class is a mixture of under-the-surface bitching and overly-sensitive ppl who werent that sensitive before but weirdly enough had their hormones rearranged after 1st 3 months. wtsh. ppl keep on asking me "why so glum?" or "why so serious?"and stupidly "is everything okay?" i mean like if i'm not my usual self then OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT OKAY. esp when i'm in the water more than on the water, it's kindda obvious why i'm not smiling. do i look like some piece of plastic toy that has a perpectual manical smile JUST to entertain you? get a grip. and i cant do standard. your expect so much. if i'm not strong enough then what do you want me to do bout it?! making us REdo WONT HELP. i'm already cutting down on my going-out days to please you....no matter how much I HATE IT. but i'm sick and tired of coming home and listenin to you nag bout how many days a week i have to study. and when i tell you that i'm studying in school you scoff. wtsh. thanks ah. and when i wanna spend some time with you(which includes me asking you whether you've gone shopping recently) you start ALL OVER AGAIN bout how many days i'm left in a week to study.and charles dickens. what the hell is with you?! just cut down to the bloody point when writing la. do you think that adding OVER discriptive language with earn you respect? if you knew how many students REALLY felt bout you..... and mr gay. you suck. cant you teach better?obviously not huh. and lit teachers. if you know, great ex cant be read in a week. neither HMT. and you... you shitting assholic specimen of a shithole. think you can come mess up my ALREADY shitty life and toy with me then drop me JUST LIKE THAT and mess it up EVEN MORE?! you are such a bastard. and then go blog bout how sucky life is to you. whatever, you deserved what you got. go on, go complain that no one understands you, you've got OTHER frens DONT YOU. GO AND MIX WITH THEM LA. just dont come back and expect ppl to entertain you when the other group of frens piss you off. i just wished i didnt feel so hopeful bout you. and i've got to go round with a smile on my face, if not ppl start asking me dumb questions. let's see how long you decide to play with this one this time.i need more ppl to msg...better still if they'll msg me BACK. now i understand how those ppl who scribble "i wanna run away from life" on school tables feel...honestly, just taking off to another country feels like a damn good idea right now.anyone feeling insulted at this point of time? well shit you cos you decided to read it.
scribbled down in typed letters11:30 PM
i'm recovering... but i'm still confused as to what happened...and though i tell myself "suan shi yu dao chou nan ren" i just cannot leave it as that.
i'm soothing myself with songs from the lion king II. haha i know....very "huh?!" reaction but the song "love will find a way" is emo-ish enough for me and I'VE FINALLY GOT THE BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS!!! mind you it's not the greenday one but the diana krall one. another emo song.
scribbled down in typed letters11:37 PM
empowerment is a short-lived feeling, it CANNOT sustain you throughout the day...that's what happened to me... i was smiling sadistically to myself when i plugged in to "what goes round..comes round" then at the viewing mall, emo songs were being played....and i realised that i'm not significant anymore/was never significant. so .... i found a song that i can TOTALLY relate to... in my vulnerable self and not masked self-empoweredness.....WHEN THERE WAS ME AND YOU...It's funny when you find yourself Looking from the outsideI'm standing here but all I wantIs to be over thereWhy did I let myself believeMiracles could happenCause now I have to pretend That I don't really careI thought you were my fairytaleA dream when I'm not sleepingA wish upon a starThats coming trueBut everybody else could tellThat I confused my feelings with the truthWhen there was me and youI swore I knew the melodyThat I heard you singingAnd when you smiled You made me feelLike I could sing alongBut then you went and changed the wordsNow my heart is emptyI'm only left with used-to-be'sAnd Once upon a songNow I know your not a fairytaleAnd dreams were meant for sleepingAnd wishes on a star Just don't come trueCause now even I can tell That I confused my feelings with the truthCause I liked the viewWhen there was me and youI can't believe thatI could be so blindIt's like you were floatingWhile I was fallingAnd I didn't mindCause I liked the viewThought you felt it tooWhen there was me and youand i'm now talking to wen so piss off....and talking to her is SOO much better than crapping with you....yi bai bei....
scribbled down in typed letters10:20 PM
yeeps, from the previous entry you could've guessed as much that the guy i like(d) told me that he would be there for me as a friend. classic case..well for me that is. yes it did hurt since i let him toy with my feelings that whole week. but piss it. i'm sure that he derives a certain sadistic pleasure from seeing girls he "toyed" with crumble down when he drops them after getting bored with them, so that is why i shall make an effort to NOT GIVE HIM HIS PLEASURE. yes... why so impowered? you may ask me, well, all i have to say is that "it's my time to play". sounds so kinky.. but so impowering. i'm sure he's already scounting for his next prey and when that time comes when he starts playing with his new toy, all i'm gonna do is to watch and be satisfied with the thought that he really is that kind of guy.here's what i've been listening to and what he should be ready for...*evil wyntrice is sooo evil*THIS WAS ME AT FIRST....Don’t want to think about itDon’t want to talk about itI’m just so sick about itCan’t believe it’s ending this wayJust so confused about itFeeling the blues about itI just can’t do without yaCan you tell me is this fair?THEN THIS PART CHEER ME UP REALLY EVILY...You spend your nights aloneAnd she never comes homeAnd every time you call herAll you get’s a busy toneI heard you found outThat she’s doing to youWhat you did to meAin’t that the way it goesBoy you got what you deservedALL I CAN SAY BOUT THIS PART IS "AWWW TOO BAD!!" *pouts sarcastically*And now you want somebodyTo cure the lonely nightsYou wish you had somebodyThat could come and make it right
But boy i ain’t somebody with a lot of sympathyYou’ll seeAND HERE THE CRUX!!That’s okay baby ’cause in time you will find…
What goes around, goes around, goes aroundComes all the way back aroundWhat goes around, goes around, goes aroundComes all the way back aroundWhat goes around, goes around, goes aroundComes all the way back aroundWhat goes around, goes around, goes aroundComes all the way back around
scribbled down in typed letters10:43 PM
my head is still heavy and my eyes are still red and swollen and all i have to say is why am i always "just the friend".... after all those misread signs, after all those jumbled up lines, i'm still just a friend.
scribbled down in typed letters11:51 PM
RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! heeee... i just couldnt think of how to start the entry. it's been awhile(if i got $1 for every time i said that in my blog, i would be able to fly to Japan) anyway yea so i just spent like 50 odd hours in school for the council camp. actually i also dont know why i'm blogging...apart from being bored despite the fact that i've got to do homework, hmmm council is FUN but i just cant choose....not yet....at least.this entry is utterly useless!!!! i'm REALLLY sorry to all you readers(i cant belief ppl still read it) but i'm SURE i wanted to talk bout something really intellectual and not just bout how my 3day2night camp went... damn.... sorry guys...
scribbled down in typed letters9:07 PM
she looks pretty...and she's the only one featured in your photo list. i might be getting emo now so i don't know whether i'll stick to what i say tonight. zai jian le. wo xiang wo ke neng yong yuan dou bu neng du zhan ni de xin, zhi neng dang peng you, zai ni de shen ming li chun zai. ru guo wo zhe yang ju xu xia qu, ken ding wei le du ji er shang xin. ni de duo nian peng you yi jing gen wo shuo ni hen hua xin, lian lao shi dou yao tiao qing, zhe me neng rang wo "an xin" de qu xi huan ni ne? ni zai xue xiao fei chang you ming, hen duo nu hai zi yi ding xi huan ni, zhe me neng rang wo cheng je na me zhong de ya li qu mian dui wei lai ne? dan wo ting ni cang guo de ge, wo bu dong wei she me, wo de xin bian de hen tong, xiang ji hu bu neng hu xi de tong. wo xi wang zhe ge zhou mo hui shi wo xiang nian ni de zui hou shi ke. wo bu xiang wei ni er xin tong le. don't take too long to say "i love you" to the ones you love cos time has a habit of slippin' away...
scribbled down in typed letters1:07 AM
