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have you ever had a fren? someone close but of a different gender? when you're with him you feel comfortable and at ease and it's okay to be looney. most of the time you feel happy round him. cos you can relate many things with him.

seems like a fool prove plan where nth will go wrong. and you think the frenship will go on and will not end up goin down the drain. for me, i realised it did. i unexpected the unexpected.

culd it have been caused by others who step in and make the situation/ frenship complicated? ppl who are conservative and pressurise those directly affectin the situation?

this is what happened:
this girl whose in the same situation as the above, just became close to this guy. she feels that she can communicate well with him and they share many things with each other like they wuld b able to relate many things to each other. they can be quite open with each other some times and most of the time, they tease each other. they share most interests.

The girl calls almost everyday cos she likes to talk to him and it's somewhat a way for her to relax. just by a simple phone conversation. however one day, she calls him and he replies in a very, very "tired" tone that he feels "sian" . then she tried to prob further cos she's quite curious and kidda needs to talk. then he says: "i'm feelin sian cos you're callin me". they hang up. the girl takes in the reality of the words and it gives her such an impact that she feels like they just slapped her in the face. she starts to feel depressed. she starts to cry. a silent tear trickle down her cheek. the tears keep on flowin but no one notices. in the santuary of her room, she listens to sad ballads and cry somemore.

the next day, there's a skool event. she does not see him at 1st then she notices his bag. she hears his name being read frm a card. she sees him comin back and she hides in the crowd. but she's just another face in the crowd to him isn't it? after a while she emerges frm the surroundings, she sees his back. she can;t help it cos tears are startin to form again.

Again no one notices a girl crying in the toilet of the venue. the sad, helpless sobs are not heard amond the merry, desperate cheers. No one hears. she recovers and heads back to her place. but now she notices him more than ever. the good thing is that she feels numb..... for now.

the next time he went out, he finally notice her and when he can't get out he calls her name. a sense of nostalgia overcomes her. then when she reminded him bout the previous day, his's expression changed and he went back to his seat. she doesn't know why.

the event ends and she goes out of the venue. she walks over to the bank of the river. the sight patches up her bitten soul for a moment. she listens to the ballad they had listened together the day before and she starts to cry again. as she waits, she hopes that he will appear in front of her when she turns and hopes that he wuld explain to her and enlighten her bout what rendered him to say those things to her the day before..... nothing happens. she waits a while more but still nothin happends.

with a sigh, she goes home.

juz came back frm ccl camp and laid on the floor and slept... haha... so tiring.

~day1~
gathered, prepared for the mother candle game which we didn't get to play UNFORTUNATELY. was in the claz rm poisonin ourselves with smoke until they were playin the blind snake game. IT WAS SUPER FUN!!! we, the sadistic, pervertic, psycopathic camp com were tormentin and teasin the other ccl who were playin!!! haha the funniest was henry, stephanie, yong teck, and quite a few others.

henry was like always mixin up who we were and like jie wei n some other guys were usin the pringle can "oil-flip" to brush across their faces and they were like "who is this??" "stop gayin la" "sick man" and all that funny things.

stephanie and yong teck even MORE funnier... YT was standin in front of steph. then there was some times that adeline pushed her towards him.... but the most memorable one was when YT and steph were facin each other and both of us pushed them towards each other.... haha sorry ******* but we juz couldn't help it. it was very kiaaaa for most of the snake SMs cos YT was ALWAYS unblind...[i'm mortified with my own horrendous spelling] meanin he could still see even with 5 blindfolds... ha! then he wuld torment us BACK!!! like i mean he 1) kicked me: temp cripplness. 2) chiangin my shoe:had to do a whaya! 1 leg kick with other leg bein grabbed n paw support.[HK accent] 3) striked zhiyu in the chest 4) flicked jie wei 5) attempted hurt to angeline n adeline n jocelyn. the worst was when he took my phone and made me run round the WHOLE skol chasin him. UNFORTUNATELY, he got to delete e pic of him n steph holdin hands. BUT DO NOT FEAR!! JIE WEI'S PHONE IS HERE.!! he took e same pic as well. ha! try that yt! on the whole, it was quite fun.... for that game..

i wuld not like to make a detailed entry on the dirty games cos it wuld churn up bad feelings n memories. the best was the 1st grup.. they were SUPER FUNNY and olivia, you're heck of a gal to be the 1st in e grup. anyway i think i might've said something offendin/insutin/ego-crushin to yong teck and i wuld really like to opplogise.... SORRY!!!!! but that's how i deal with guys so it's somewhat a habit of mine. but SORRY again... cleaning up of the "dirty" station [makes it sound so obscene] ha! was quite good cos i kept on bringin e water.... if i do that for an hr everyday, i think i wuld've e biseceps that guys could ever dream of...haha no lar.... not that bad... haha *crappin* i was enjoyin e cleaning up until i heard my full-monty radar sounding. and i was right. YT was like shoutin that he was topless and was proud of it.... donnoe why...weird

after dinner, we were in the pc rm and as we were enterin, we saw yong sheng sittin on the table. and he told me that they were singing jiu hen ge. donnoe what it means. then they were recitin the chinese moon poem [ming yue ji shi you] that poem. so i took up 2 pairs of chopsticks n started chantin after them... it went like [ery1:ming yue ji shi you, i:YOU! ery1:ba jiu wen qin tian i: TIAN!] something like that. anyway every one started to join in, instigated by peh yong sheng. then we were laughin our heads off and carppin. after we FINALLY got to bathe, we went back to the pc rm and started playin heart attck. if olivia saw what we were doin to her "tables" we wuld have been slaughtered right on the spot....

haha that was a moment i wuld not forget.. i actually felt like we were bondin, while doin the chinese moon poem thing.... it was cool. yeah real cool

petrollin came. we were to meet xiao hui min n choon kuat at the LT. i was SOOO SCARED. the corridor outside the PC rm was in TOTAL DARKNESS. SUPER SCARY. anyway THANK GOODNESS not only eve and i were goin to the LT cos jocelyn, cheryl, zhenwei n yong shen were comin with us. yepps. anyway i was SOOO scared that i clung on to yong sheng..... literally. he was REALLY nice cos he kept reassuring me and kept on say like "you must believe in god and that we are of this world so we rule the world" yeah really reassuring.... felt much much better after that but i still clung on to him. haha in the end, 4 of us, yong sheng, jocelyn,cheryl n i were patrollin the 32-claz rm blk 2nd floor where the gals slept. hui min n choon kuat patrolled 4th floor. round 11 plus, we switched places and after that, we went back to the pc rm... all while patrollin i was clingin on to yong sheng once even hurt him with the walkie-talkie antenna. SORRY!! but THANKS YONG SHENG!!!HAha

~nite-walk~
i can now conclude that being a station master for nightwalk is NOT fun while walkin thru e nitewalk maybe scary but fun.... as a station master, we had to wait AGES for the next grups to arrive and it does not help when they are let off in 30 min interval. we scared the ppl and could not wait to get to the LT cos we were dead tired.... 4 hours at the tech block!!!! THANK GOODNESS benji korkor (my real one) was smsin me and accompanyin me. and to yong sheng's msgs which were full of "i'm so tired, i'm so sian, i'm hot" haha all we were experiencing too. at the LT, i just spread myself on the floor and slept.... only to realise that that is only what the guys did, the gurls had slpin bags and were slpin in a more feminie way...... TOTALLY UNLIKE ME. haha slpt for round 1 1/2 hrs then had to wake up.... was in a SUPER groggy state. haah

~tele-match~
is it something that runs in virgos that they detest vegetables?? marpin hates it(virgo), shannon is a full time meat-eater(virgo) and yong teck juz culd not bring himself to eat the vegetables aggressively.....(yes another virgo)

tug-of-war was VERY FUN!!! we were against e winnin team, eugene's grup + some other helpers like cheun hock(sry if i spelt it wrongly!) , fang yi, yong teck all these la. WE LOST haha but it was real fun

P.S. thought that the camp was real fun... let me rephrase that: i liked the camp overall tho there was some disaggrements and some ppl who did not knoe their place and was pushin their weight around. but still there were some enjoyable times which made me forget bout bad ppl. yeah... that's how i feel and i hope that i wuld be able to work with the ALMOST same ppl next time. cheerio and welcome bedforshier(bridget jones)

hellozz anyway hols are in!!! but doesn't feel like the hols AT ALL.....

anyway friday was SUPER fun.... okay onlu fun la.
went off to bugis with cKz, joen, charmaine, tony, lionel n euge pete. went there by bus then went to ajisan to eat.... SUCKED FULL TIME!!! haha but LOVED THE TAO GEI.....!!! haha thanks to eugene n charmaine for givin me your tao gei!!! haha didn't eat the noodles.,.... juz couldn't bring myself to eat it.... and it didn't even LOOK like ramen!!!

after awhile, realised that it was quite late 3 plus already n we had to be back in skol by 4!!! anyway on our way to e taxi stand, we saw the popin-up fountain and we were all like persuadin euge to walk thru and get soaked.... that vainypot was worried bout his shoes and wuld only walk tru if someone went with him. haha so i went!!! walked and RAN!! haha but euge walked so many times!!! haa got soaked!! only the front..... UNFORTUNATELY.... aha! spent the next 15 to 20 min walkin down frm bugis tryin to hail a cab!!! haha damn funny!!

got back to skol..... reallly didn't enjoy drama session..... got a LOT of threats and they NOT frm me frens.... STUPID ASS.

P.S really liked euge's converse bag..... (*hint *hint)

felt depressed yday.
cried yday.
hurt myself yday.
got hurt yday.

~durin drama~

i bought HIM a prezzie. [mini toon's soap] was standin in front of them while waitin for our turn.
That was how we stood. anyway HE was suppose to switch places with frenB
fren(A)/ HIM/ fren(B).
I (in front of Fren(B))
but frm the corner of me eye i saw that he said "er.... neva mind la" like he had 2nd thoughts bout standin just behind me..... i mean "excuse me!!!! do i have a plague??!! " anyway craped it by then.....didn't care anymore..... i juz wanted to run out of the rm... i didn't care if i was goin to stripped of my character or if i was goin to be scolded and embarrassed in front of the whole club.... as long as i culd get out of there i was happy.... UNFORTUNATELY, i culdn't

now i feel so angry and frustrated... at HIM and at myself..... i'm such a despo... i mean, i wasted $3.90 on sum guy who i did not benefit anything frm... but i'm happy that i didn't spend anything more than that.....

consulted ms cheong.... felt sad, started to tear........ went to cecilia, tony and aaron...... stopped cryin..... reached home.... felt sad...... at night, listenin to e soundtrack of cried, weeped, cornered myself and cried summore..... something tripped the electricity, no air-con or radio, pa solved it, music back on and cried more.... cried myself to slp.....

i can't imagine what dragged us aprt.... last yr we were teasin each other and didn't feel weird round each other..... what happened now.... so much has changed..... you do even wanna be near me... why?

IN JAP:
a na ta to i re za
don na ro to de mo
no ri ki re ru yo
dat te anatawa kara ima watashi no tamashi wa totemo itaii
ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
for you i'll go thru any pain or torment
just as long as i have you by my side
but now, it is becos of you that my soul is hurt till the point of
being shattered

yeah!!! today was SUPER FUN!!! haha

i was so happy i went prepared with me extra cash and me ankle socks... haha anyway decided with Suwen to watch Howl's Moving Castle today cos she was ravin bout it so decided to check it out..... also cos the voice of "howl" was TAKUYA KIMURA!~!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! HAHA i LOVE KIMURA TAKUYA!!!!!

~IN SKOL~
Miss CHan pushed forward the chem period and so we culdnt' go for recess while evry1 was like playin outside.... anyway miss chan was like purposely explainin UBER SLOWLY and was like actin that drawin a circle was such a CHORE AND STRUGGLE..... anyway after that suwen told me that samsom lam (donnoe how to spell it) anyway yeah, he let his claz watch INUYASHA!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway you shuld've seen us, we like 2 crazee gurls standin outside of the LAN RM 1 tryin our hardest to hear the conversations but it was in vain...... unfortunatly. so i was fed up and i knocked on the door...., SL came to the door and we asked him whether we culd join his claz and watch together..... tho he was a bit uncertain we reassured him that we didn't have anymore lessonss. so in the end we got to watch INUYASHA!!!!!!! yeah!~~!!! really osashiburi man..... then we went round the whole level lookin for sumone who could spare us $10 and NO LUCK!!! neva knew that there were so many "pok"
ppl.... but we asked jun hao and YEAH!!! he did have!!! haha we were UBER GRATEFUL!!! haha yeah yeah!! JUN HAO SAVES THE DAY!! haha

we wanted to catch the 11.30 show @ PS but realised that it was 11.26 when we were at city hall. and the next train wuld be like 4 min from then ..... but we got there in time..... yeah.... haha huan yuet joined us soon after and we watched the show together...... luckily i was sittin between suwen and huan yuet cos they were like fightin over HOWL...... i personally love HEEN!!!! haha

later went to cine.... haha the walk there frm PS was long and worse, WET. by the time we reached cine, we were sticky and wet haha. took neos and was playin round with the jappo stuff.... came out quite nice tho most of the ppl who saw me neo was like "why is your hair so wet??" [quite embarrassing] went to more than words to get sum stuff for anna..... reached the entrence of cine and realised that we had to buy prezzies for jerome, pei yee and a whole list of other ppl. anyway went back up to more than words and bought them sum stuff. after headed to taka to meet me mum. fell aslp at coffee bean while me mum was talkin to her fren....

got home and both of us were grumblin over the car park fees which was like $12.50!!!!! i mean your[taka ppl] don even provide a free washin or waxin for the cars or air-con in the car park and you cost a bloody $12.50??? STOP RIPPIN US OF OUR MONEY!!!!!

but still had a fun time with mummy and reached home to SLP!!